article that spoke to me in a way I was surprised at. I must admit "What I Learned from my 46 day beer fast" sounds more like a college frat movie than an introspection on seeking help from God, but it was. And it made me think on my own journey. I have two goals/fasts this Lenten Journey: no alcohol and a daily devotion. So far I'm batting .500.
The first day (Ash Wednesday) was no problem, even when Andy opened a bottle of wine with dinner. It smelled good. It would have tasted good with the meal, but I had no problem declining, or having it on the table in front of me. (Hopefully this should help ease the minds of those concerned that I might need to find a local A.A.) But I have to say, every day since then I have wanted something. Anything. Now I swear this isn't a disease talking, I'm certain this is human nature (the devil maybe?) talking. I was told (by myself) that I couldn't have something, and now I want it. The habits I see in my kids, and their cousins/friends/other little kids continues on into adulthood. You told me I can't have it. And even though I didn't want it before, now I do. Just because.
But the cool thing that I've discovered (again) is that a quick little prayer helps. Almost immediately, amazingly enough. And as I read the article, I see a little more clearly why my fast is good for my relationship with God. "In order to refocus on God, [monks] engaged this annual practice not only to endure sacrifice, but to stress and rediscover their own shortcomings in an effort to continually refine themselves."
(Here's my light bulb for today). I am weak without God. But with Him, all things are possible. This fast is not meant to deprive myself, but to remind me how much easier things are with Him. This excites me. It comforts me. My Father is there to help me and take care of me. He loves me and only wants the best for me, just as I only want the best for my children (this is very relatable to me). He wants me to ask for help. He wants me to come to Him with everything.
Now I see I need to ask His help in my daily devotion. I managed to get last Wednesday in, but haven't been back since. I could give you a list of reasons why, some more valid than others, but mostly I will say, quite frankly, I am weak. I need His help. I see even more clearly now.
Dear God, HELP, love me.
I will leave you with this song Prince of Darkness by the Nylons....it popped into my head when I was writing this. I love it, and it seems VERY appropriate at the moment. (The video's not great - here are the lyrics jic)